Know How to Make Dating Even Harder?

There is a reason that God planned the order for life- date, marriage then kids because it is really hard dating with kids!  Not only are you trying to figure out if you like this person then you have to think long and hard before introducing the kids to anyone because suddenly their hearts can get broken in the process too.  Add to that after all that patient work, what if your kids don’t like him?  It is especially difficult for me because my kids’ dad passed away a couple years ago.  I do not have the every other weekend free like most single dating parents, my kids are with me all the time.  I have arranged my life around them so much so that my job now includes them as well.  I do love this, however it can make dating tricky because I don’t have a lot of free time to dedicate to dating.  I have found the most successful time for me to date is lunch time.   The kids are in school, ie no babysitter.  I have a very flexible schedule at work, so lunches work for me.  I have found that men do not seem to prefer lunch time as much as I do. . .or care for the kids as much as I do!

Case in point is Andrew. . . .Andrew is a new transplant to Florida.  He has been vacationing here for years but just recently made his vacation permanent.   He is 11 years older than me, which is not my ideal but remember I am trying to broaden my horizons!  Keep those options open. . . you know?!?  He has spent his life as an attorney, but is now waiting for the results of his Florida Bar.  This made lunch an easy date for him as well because he isn’t working yet.

Anyway, we meet at a Vietnamese restaurant he picked out.  Hmm. . never had Vietnamese food before so that was fun.  A little scary because I had no idea what to order, but I kinda like it that he ordered for me.  I like a guy that takes control of a situation!  Anyway. . .back to the moment. . .lunch was great. . .good conversation, good guy, good date.  Haven’t had too many of those. . .as you all know!  Date ended with a quick hug in the parking lot and a nice compliment.

I have had a great time with you and would love to see you again, if that interests you?

In a lineup of all the guys in the world he probably wouldn’t make the top 10, he definitely looked 11 years older than me. . .maybe 15 years older.  But he was a nice guy. . .what the heck!

So let’s move on to the 2^nd date. . . .more accurately the lack there of.  How could such a good date end in nothing?  Ahh. . .enter the children!

Andrew called two days later for a 2^nd date, but the best part was he wanted to get together for a hockey game that night.  Um. . .yea. . I can’t date on short notice.  I had to tell him no. . it sucked because as the words left my mouth, I could feel his interest dissolve, right there over the phone.  Have you ever had that moment?   You feel the words that will disappoint leave your mouth knowing full well that it will be doom for any future? 

Anyway, there was no way I could have made that date.  Andrew pulled together an attempt to sound polite.

Oh, ok. . .well why don’t I call you later this week to see if we can maybe arrange a time to get together.

Oops, there it was, call me later to make a date?  Why not work out a time right now while we are both on the phone talking about getting together?  Oh, yea because you don’t want to because I am not available enough for you!  Needless to say. . .he didn’t call me later that week to arrange something!

So, single parents who are trying to eek out a moment to find your life partner, I feel your pain.  As cliché as it sounds. . .if he is the right guy, he will wait.  He will make it work.   He will be excited about having your kids as part of his life!  I know. .. I hate myself for even writing it and I am hanging my head as I write it, but I must believe that it is true! 
Farewell

Custom Made Man

I was reading an article in Redbook titled:  Hot Fictional Husbands We Wish Were Real, the article went throughout TV history highlighting the made-up married men that make our hearts melt.  As I was reading the list it made me day dream about building my own dream man.  Think Starbucks order. . .grande, ½ fat latte with double shot espresso. .. made just the way you like it.  If I could put together bits and pieces of each of the below listed men, I just may build myself the perfect guy . . . If only it were so easy, but it was a fun way to spend the afternoon!

Let’s get started with –

Mike Brady. . .you know. . . Here's the story of a man named Brady, he was living with three boys of his own … then his house gets taken over by three girls and their mom. Imagine for a second how that must have rocked the guys world but he never bats an eyelash.  Ever notice on The Brady Bunch that Mike just easily became dad and Carol became mom to all the kids.  Being a single parent myself and my kids not having any version of a dad, I want the guy to come in and not want to be step dad or part time dad. . .rather want to be their one and only dad!  Ahh Mike. . .I could maybe do without the leisure suits and polyester though. . .

Then let’s throw in a cup of  Jim Halpert from The Office – I believe I read somewhere that it's a fact that 99.99 percent of women will take a cute guy who can make them laugh over a gorgeous bore any day.  So it's no wonder that boy-next-door Jim - with his quirky humor and dimply smile - just seems dreamier every season.  Enough said. . .cute, funny and adorable guy that makes you laugh? 

If you are a Lost junkie, this one may surprise. . Jin.  I know, I know he starts out as a controlling jack-ass husband who I really loved to hate. My mom and I would spend days talking about what a jerk he was and how Sun deserved so much better.   But then he transformed into a tender-hearted Romeo. A man who can admit his wrong ways and change them?  Ladies. . .isn’t that what we all want??? 

Next I will add just a pinch of Derek Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy – Who wouldn’t love themselves a little McDreamy, He’s hot, his lopsided smile and he’s hot. . .but for me it is the way he takes on the crazy that is Meredith.  I am lucky. . .I am only quirky which is so much easier to love. . .right!  The one major negative with McDreamy. . .he works too much and I don’t want to be a second priority to my man’s job!  That is why I will only throw in a pinch of McDreamy!

But a whole lot of George Banks of Father of the Bride 1 & 2 fame – I know I cannot be the only girl of any age who fell in love with George!  When I was younger I wanted him as my dad. . .but now that I am older. . .would totally take him as my man!  He's willing to do anything to make his wife happy, patient with the kooky wedding planner … hot sex on the kitchen floor. Give it up for the silver fox!

I can’t forget about Ray . . .Everybody Loves him!  For me the best part of Ray is every night he walks through the door and calls Deborah a goofy pet name. . .Hey Chicken Little, I’m home.  Or Hi doodle butt. ..what’s for dinner.  How can you not love a guy who doesn’t fall into the same routine of calling you “babe” everyday?  That takes time and talent to come up with a new name every time he sees you!  Ray is a little too absorbed into his golf game. . .but the pet name thing. . .very cute!

And finally, for a little childhood fantasy. . . Ken . . you know. . .Barbie and Ken?  Literally made for each other!  How many times did your Ken and Barbie get married over the course of your childhood?  But he makes up a smidge of my dream husband because, well, you can make him say whatever you want - "Yes, honey. You want an even bigger dream house? No problem!"  I know. . I know. . .crazy, but there are those days when you just want your man to agree because you are right!  Or because you think you are right!  No discussion, no compromise, nor argument, just “yes, dear!”  But when it comes to the big situations, I do want my man to take the lead and be the man. 

I am sure I am missing some very important TV husbands I guess this is part one of building my custom made man.  It is funny the things that you find important when building your man, things that you didn’t know you wanted.  Maybe one of these days I just may meet this bizarre, custom blend of man. . . maybe at Starbucks?!?  So tell me in the comments below. . .who would your custom blend be?

Ciao

Worst First Date Ever!

Ok all. . .here it is, the big mama. . .the mack daddy. . .THE WORST FIRST DATE EVER!  I know many of you have been patiently waiting for me to get to this date because it is so incredible, so unbelievable, so hysterically funny and I assure you that every word is complete truth.  Some may believe that I am embellishing for the sake of this story but I promise that I am not, you just can’t make this stuff up!

Ready?  Let’s begin!

Jeff and I had our date planned for Saturday night at 7:00, we are to meet at AZN for a 7:15 reservation.  I arrive right at 7:00, don’t want to be too early but I certainly don’t want to be late so I slide in right on time, looking fabulous I might add!  But I don’t see him, I peek around the restaurant and look around outside, nothing. 

Ta-da ( I hope by now you realize that is my cell notifying me that I have a text)

Running late

Ok. . .doesn’t tell me much, how late?  But at least I know I haven’t been stood up, which is a huge fear of mine!  I wait patiently for his arrival which finally happens 30 minutes late.  I could be really mad but he is surprisingly good looking, dark hair and the very big bonus of being tall. . measuring in at 6’5”.  Ok, I can forgive being late for this tall drink of water!

Dinner begins with him ordering a beer and I order a glass of wine. . .quick break in our awesome conversation to place our orders and finally getting around to eating.  This date is really going well, much to my surprise and joy.  We are really clicking and the conversation is just flowing out of both of us.  Until he says. . .

If I meet someone that I am interested in having a relationship with and I think we could have a relationship, I will stop talking to all other girls just to see where it will go with the girl I am interested in.

Nice, I think. .. finally a respectable guy. . .oh how wrong I was!!!  Sadly he continued talking and this is what fell out –

But you shouldn’t look at my phone because after I talked to you last night to confirm our date I texted everyone I know just to keep my options open!

Uh. . .what???  I couldn’t have heard that right. . right?  Oh, yes I did. . very clearly he told me that he has ZERO interest in having a relationship with me.  I was taken aback for a moment, but at least he was honest that we would just be friends.  I am ok with that. . .little sad because he is tall, dark and handsome but I now know that the date is over. . . .after he pays for dinner of course!

Do you want to go to Blue Martini?  He asks.

 I still have time on my babysitting meter so sure. . .why not!  The conversation is still flowing pretty well as we walk through Mercato up to Blue Martini, find a table outside and we both order martini’s.  Suddenly, three sips into his martini something happens.  He slouches over the table, holds his head up with one hand and aimlessly doodles on the table with the other.

I really miss my ex-girlfriend.  He slurs. She was amazing, but I knew she would never trust me.  The writing was on the wall about that relationship so I had to end it because she would never trust me.

Are you freakin’ kidding me?  Now he is drunk and rambling on and on and on about his ex-girlfriend?  I don’t think this date can get worse. . .good thing for all of my readers. . .that it really can get worse.

I decide to not let the drunk rambler ruin my night out, so I sit back in my chair, listen to the music and smile at the cutie across the bar.  Occasionally over the music I hear drunko talking but I am not even bothering with being polite by pretending to listen.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, not that I have to go but I just wanted to be away from my table for a moment and see what else was happening in the bar.  I slowly wander my way to the ladies room, chat with the ladies about my date to which they all offered hugs and excuses for me to get away from him.  Smiles, the sisterhood can be so sweet and supportive!  Their laughter gave me the boost to go back to the table where I see that Mr. Omgiamsodrunk’s martini is gone.  Ahh. . .now I have my way out of this nightmare.

Oh, you’re done.  Let me just have another sip of mine and we can go.

To which his response is to sit bolt upright, grab my martini off the table, slam it down and look me square in the eye and say –

Let’s go make out in my car

What?  I reply shocked, appalled and unable to hid my total booger face.

There’s a connection here babe. . . let’s go make out in my car.  Besides, you’re obviously getting cold so let me warm you up.  He says this as he reaches across the table and runs his finger over my boob. 

A brief separation from the story for a moment, for those that do not know. . .I had breast cancer a couple years ago, my treatment involved a bi-lateral mastectomy.  Needless to say, my headlights are not flashing any longer because I don’t have nipples!  Yes, weird and freaky. . .but true!  So his “cold” comment was really just his excuse to grab my boob, which following reconstruction. . .looks amazing but still no nips!

Back to the date. . .I am speechless and don’t even know how to respond to that.  The last time I was asked to make out in a car was in high school when that was the only place to make out!

Um. . .I have to go. . my babysitters are waiting for me.

But, I’m too drunk to drive home. He pleads.

Oh. . .well. . .there is a taxi stand right over there.  I say as I point to the entrance of Blue Martini.

No. . . I am going to come home with you and we will see how compassionate you are because I am drunk so I won’t perform the best but I will make it up to you next time.

Again. . you must be freakin kidding me?  He thought I was going to sleep with him but even better than that, he thought he was so awesome that he wouldn’t even have to be good and I would still sleep with him!  Ha! 

Since there is no possible response to what he said, I just turned a walked away.  No goodbye, no niceties of any kind, just a disgusted look, pivoted on my foot and walked away. 

One with complete mental capacity would think that there would be no further communication following a date such as that, right?  Ohh, ohh, ohh. .. fortunately that is not where the story ends.  I received numerous phone calls for a few days after the date complimenting me for a great time and can’t wait to do it again.  All phone calls were ignored but I couldn’t not listen to the voicemails!  My curiosity was too great.   That only lasted a couple days then life was quiet again, until. . .  my phone blew up one day with texts –

Hi Annie, I’ve tried to play it cool, but I like you.  Ive never been so honest (or open!) on a date before. I was under the impression things went well.  (what, so open and honest about being bad in bed, way to go bud!?!)

Could you tell me what went wrong? I wont be upset.  I will probably try to change your mind! I know I could be a good person in your life.  (Yes, making out in the car is definitely good in my life!)

Don’t rush to conclusions about me. I have a lot of friends who are girls but no relationships at the moment.  Still since our date I haven’t been dating.  (You haven’t been dating because you are a loser!)

Also, I am doing very well financially if that’s a concern.  If the 70’s aren’t good enough for you, not sure what to tell ya.   (What!?!  I don’t even have a retort to this one!)

You seemed to have a good time on our date, but no word. I feel Ive been used for a free margarita and dinner.  Is that what you’re about then? (We didn’t have margarita’s. . .but I was using you?  Really?)

Sorry for getting upset.

All the best to you.  I was (unusually) sorely disappointed not to hear back but youll receive no more texts from me without hearing from you first ok? Bye

Finally, closing that chapter!

So my dear friends. . .that is the tale of the worst first date ever.  I could be upset, insulted, offended by the whole thing.  But I think it is one of the funniest experiences of my whole life and a story I will retell until it lives on in infamy!

Toodles

The Email. . . .

I got an email from Travis. . .it made me feel so sad!  It didn’t say much, he just thanked me for dropping off some of his stuff at Pelican Bay.  I dropped it there on his day off so I wouldn’t have to see him, but I still wanted to look FABULOUS just in case because I haven’t had my “oops we ran into each other and I look amazing. . .eat your heart out” moment yet. 

In my past dating experience when you break up, there is ongoing dialogue for a few weeks/months because there is second guessing and regret.  This has been the hardest breakup ever because he moved out and that was basically it.  No phone calls, no stopping by to talk to me. . .nothing.  I still don’t get how I was so disposable. . . I just don’t get it.

Anyway, my point about the email, not only did it thank me for the stuff, but he asked if we could get together and just talk.  Just talk. . .what does that mean?  I was furious when I saw it.  I immediately closed it and fumed for the rest of the afternoon.  That may be a slight exaggeration since I was on vacation when I read it and I wasn’t about to ruin my trip because of him.  

But I did ponder my desire to answer it.  Part of me really does want to talk to him, maybe at the least get some understanding.  However, as my BFF said, I may have to make peace with the fact that I will never know.  The other part of me has no interest what so ever in speaking to him. . .ever!  I didn’t respond because I didn’t know what I wanted.  I had to talk to everyone I know and get their thoughts and input.  I received very diverse responses.  The most unhelpful was my friend Sue who refused to give me her thoughts and only said that she would support me no matter what.  It is so much easier to have someone tell you what to do so if it goes bad, you have someone to blame!!!!  I think she knew this and that is why she refused to answer. . .smart girl!

But my most helpful advice was from my friend Talia, she helped me walk through all my feelings about the email.  First she asked if I would be able to forgive him to the point to be in a relationship with him again, which I don’t know if I could.  How could I relax into a relationship with him knowing that at any minute he could just leave and not look back?  But most importantly she pointed out that he wasn’t saying that he wanted me back.  He wanted to “just talk”, which could be that he is looking to me to help him through his regret and remorse.  In her opinion, and I agree, if he wanted me back. . .he would do whatever he could to get in front of me – face to face to talk to me.  Not send me a lame email asking me to “just talk”.  Ahh. . .so smart Talia!  That changed the way I viewed the email and I know this doesn’t sound very Christian, but I don’t want to help him “recover” from us.   As well, I couldn’t help him. . .I am not healthy enough or strong enough yet to give of me for him. 

I am so glad I went for advice because this truly helped me see things from a very different perspective.  And thus I decided that I would respond, but not in a conventional manner.  Throughout the course of our relationship, we always communicated with music.  It is an amazing feeling having the man you love send you songs describing how much he loves you, play something that he spent weeks learning to play, sing a quiet breathy song in my ear as I fall asleep.  I think I have been spoiled for every future man because I now know that I want to be wooed with music.  Because of our history with music, I decided to send him a song that helped me express how I felt.  It seemed the best way to communicate with him since obviously old fashioned talking was not one of our strongest methods of communication. 

I simply replied with –

Since you respond best to music, I think this about sums up my feelings.

And I attached a link to Jar of Hearts. . . to sum it up it states –

No, I can't take one more step toward cause all that's waiting is regret, you lost the love I love the most, you’re going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul and you broke all your promises. 

It does have additional lines, of course, but I felt that those pretty much summed up my feelings about the whole situation.  I know, I know. . .it sounds harsh, but I am hurt and sad and I feel connected to that song. 

No surprise that I haven’t heard from him since and I don’t expect to, this is just one more brick on the road to recovery and healing.  We each heal in our own ways and in our own time.  Don’t feel ashamed if you do not heal in a way that someone else approves of, they do not know the road that you have walked.  Don’t feel disappointed in yourself if you don’t recover the way someone else would.  I have heard through the grapevine that he thinks I am acting crazy, he is totally welcome to his opinion, but he has not been through what I have.  I will not feel regretful that I am writing and sharing my experiences in this blog or on my Facebook page!

So, my friends.  . . .I am not encouraging you to act crazy (think bunny on the stovetop) but definitely grant yourself the luxury of feeling the emotions that you are feeling and don’t apologize for having those feelings!  The sooner that you move through all those feelings means you are so much closer to feeling better and moving on with someone else who is a better match for you!

Aloha

Who is Manzie?

Who is Manzie?  Let’s take a look at that and begin with the fact that this is truly his name. . .I guess when his grandfather came to America, his name was Manzie but he changed it to Joe to be more American.  Manzie’s parents wanted to have connection to their roots and named their child after grandpa.  The funniest part is he has a sister name Jenny and a brother named Steve. . . wow, two of the most average names and you get Manzie?  Parents did not like you so much!!!

Anyway, getting back to my point, my date with Manzie.  . .we talked on the phone one day, nice conversation but nothing that I even remember at this point (good thing this is not pertinent to the story!)  Following our conversation, he proceeded to text me several times a day. . .nothing creepy, just nice little messages –

Goodmorning, hope you have a great day. 

I am playing tonight, can you come by to see my band? 

Goodnight. . .sleep well.

Looking forward to meeting you tomorrow.   

But it was several times per day!  It was nice to get the attention but it freaked me out.  I am all down with the cute texts once we are in a relationship, but too much too soon is scary!

I meet Manzie for some amazing Pad Thai... if nothing else out of the deal, I got a great meal.  Oh, my. . .so sad watching my standards continue to drop.  Instead of trying to find a great guy, I am reduced to looking for a good meal! 

Stay focused, Annie. . .

Manzie is shorter than he said he was, which put him at my height.  I can live with that but disappointed in the false description. . . He is nice, kind, sweet. . .the trifecta of boring, the perfect storm of dull.  The best part of our lunch was the Pad Thai, which again, was amazing.  I don’t know if I entered the date freaked out by the over attentive texts and that is why I wasn’t interested or if he is just boring and that is why I wasn’t interested.  Or, maybe I was just a little surprised that he could actually carry on a conversation unlike Blind Date Dave!

Fast forward through our nice but boring lunch, standing at our cars, Manzie asks me out for a second date.  Oh, do I really want to do this again, I think.  He is nice and could carry on a conversation but again, I have no idea what we talk about.  It was all just so nice!  I hope no one ever describes me as nice. . .ever!!  As I am thinking about what I want to do. .date again or not date again, he adds. .

I want to be completely honest with you and let you know that I am married but I hope that wouldn’t get in the way of us seeing where this connection between us would go.  Because I really enjoyed our date and would love to see you again.

Whoa. . .boring Manzie just got himself a lot more interesting!  Not that I want to date him, but hold the presses!  Married!!!!  Um, if you wanted completed honesty, wouldn’t you have told me how short you really are or that you were married prior to our first date?  I don’t know. . .I would consider that complete honesty. . what do you think?

I shocked myself by being able to get the words out without laughing . .

 Uh. . No!  But thanks for asking! 

And even more proud of myself for saying no in person. . I am really developing that backbone!  As I am driving home, shaking my head about yet another failed date. . .”ta da” my cell lets me know I have a new text. 

I am behind a beautiful, amazing sweetheart of a girl

Um, creepy. . is he following me home??  “Ta-da” another text.

Reconsider another date, I would love to take you out!

Yep. . .still creepy!

I continued to get messages like that for 3 days following our date, to which I did not respond to one.  Finally he got the message (or lack thereof!) that I was not interested in becoming his mistress!  But I will never forget the amazing Pad Thai. . . 

Ahh, well my friends. . .another one out of the way and still the quest continues! 

Auf Wiedersehen

The Beach

Saturday was a beautiful day for the beach, the kids and I packed up all our goodies and settled into a perfect spot in the sun.  Seated beside me are 4 women, maybe a mom, daughter and 2 aunts?  The assumed daughter is the youngest of the group, perhaps early 30's.  As the kids and I are building a sand castle, I can't help but over hear the daughter talk about online dating.  I pretend to focus on the kids' super important sand castle but my complete attention is focused on eavesdropping on this girl.
Online dating is the worst, there are so many creepy guys on there and I don't think it's possible to meet any normal, healthy men on the internet.  The last guy I was talking to sent me a message asking me if I wanted a cat.  I told him no and he sent me a message back saying he would come over and feed it everyday, without a shirt on so I could enjoy the view of his 6 pack.
The 2 aunts both laughed and I smiled on the inside feeling connected to her dating misery, but mom being a good and perfect mom got mad that someone would talk to her daughter like this and popped back with -
You tell him that if he tries to show up without a shirt on I will shoot him with my BB gun!
I actually had to bite my lip to keep from laughing or they would realize that I was totally listening to them.  I am not sure what kind of damage mom could do with her BB gun or really why she would have one!
As funny as this exchange was, it did make me think about how different dating is now versus in the past.  Since I am not that old, when I say past I am referring to even just 10 years ago.  Both men and women act in ways that make me uncomfortable so I can only imagine how mom felt and why she was threatening to bust out her BB gun!  The gender roles have gotten so blurred that men don't act gentlemanly, they feel they can get away with crude inappropriate behavior because with so many women, they can.  Conversely, women try to "slut" it up in order to keep up with what other women are doing.  I remember a quote that was posted by a friend on Facebook, "If males would stand up and be men then more women would sit down and be ladies."  I, for one want my man to stand up and I want to sit down!  (Of course this is when I get a man!)
I guess I am old fashioned, I want someone who gives good woo, call me, bring me flowers, open the door for me.  Not send me naughty messages before I even meet them telling me that they will take their shirt off so I can enjoy the view.  I may enjoy the view, but I want to enjoy it once we have gotten to know each other. . .and not before!
I know this post is not really about me and my dating, but it made me feel happy inside that this poor girl at the beach is going through the exact same dating misery that I am!
Au Revior!

The Blind Date

I told myself that I would only allow myself to grieve for Travis until moving day, perhaps premature, but I was so tired of feeling bad.  I opened up my life to my friends and family for blind dating.  I had never been on a blind date before in my life so I was a little excited to see what would happen.  As I said last time, I was never really a great single person, so embracing singlehood seemed appealing. 

My first set up came quickly, I guess my friends and family were eager to help me move on. . .they too were tired of hearing me cry, whine, complain. . . that is so not me!

I was set up with a guy named Dave, he is super nice, fun to be around, cute. . . this is according to my friend and you will soon learn that I have a very different opinion!  I talked to Dave on the phone to set up our date, which to be safe would be at Starbucks, easy to make a quick escape if necessary and you will soon see it was necessary. 

I texted Dave that morning to let him know I would be wearing a grey skirt and black shirt.  Sounds sexy, right?  Well in actuality, I have lost 13 pounds on the broken heart diet and most of my clothes don’t fit anymore.   I am forced to dress like an 80 year old lady and only wear anything with an elastic waist!  Since I am not retired yet, my closet does not contain a lot of elastic and sadly I only own a couple of skirts that fit. . .

I arrive at Starbucks at the scheduled time and walk in with butterflies in my stomach. . .I am so nervous!  I scan the restaurant but I don’t see anyone waiting for me.  After a moment, I get a text –

Did you just walk in?

I glance around again and still don’t see any possible owner of the text.  I text back –

Yes

Then nothing.  Did he see me in the parking lot and he is not interested?  Ouch!  Is he watching me like a crazy stalker? Creepy!

About 2 minutes later, an agonizing wait for me as I feel my self esteem dropping by the second, the door opens and Dave walks up to me.  He looks me up and down with a grimace on his face, puts out his hand and introduces himself. 

Oh, boy. . . this is not going to be a good date!  He couldn’t even look at me without distaste spreading across his face, oh and you should know that he was not a super hottie either. . .he should have felt lucky to go out with a cutie like me!  But, being a cup half full kind of girl, I slap on a smile, spritz on some charm and get to work trying to enjoy this date.

We sit down and smile awkwardly at each other.  He is obviously not going to make this easy, so I begin the small talk.

What do you do?

I work for Fish and Wildlife.

Oh, that must be interesting.

It is.

Hmmm. . .crickets. . . he doesn’t want to talk about himself, so I will talk about me and see if that gets a conversation going.

I work for a church as the Children’s Ministry Coordinator.  I just started a few months ago, but I love it!  I get paid to have a blast with kids.

Still nothing. . .I will not give up yet. .

Do you have any kids?

Yes

Boy or girl?  How old?

 Boy, he is 15.

Ahh. . I have 2 kids, 9 year old boy and a 5 year old girl.  They are amazing.  It shocks me how different they are.

Oh

I am really trying but I feel like I am talking to a wall.  I tried to get him to open up by asking about his family, his hobbies, travel, sports, the economy, his house (I heard pre-date that he just bought), animals, the weather, the beach, BP oil spill. . . .

But I never got more than one or 2 word answers, it was painful!  After about 35 minutes, I glance at my watch in an exaggerated movement so he would see and gasp at the time (my, how it had flown by!) 

Oh, I really have to go and pick up my kids from school.  Oops. . I may have told a little lie, but I think it was warranted given the circumstances!

Ok

I stand to leave, he remains seated.  Since he can’t bring himself to stand I certainly shouldn’t expect the chivalry of him walking me to my car.  Which I say a quick prayer of thanks for!

Thank you for the coffee, it was nice meeting you.   All while thinking to myself, it was not nice meeting you. . .you suck!  But it just seemed like the proper thing to say.   I make it to my car in record time.  Fortunately I have about an hour and a half before I have to pick up the kids so I can wipe off that horrible date before seeing them.

 Now, if you think that was good. . .wait until you hear this!  I get a little “ta-da” from my phone that night indicating that I have a new text.

It was so nice meeting you today and I would be honored to take you on a second date.

Are you flippin’ kidding me????  Was he on the same date as me???  Is he crazy???  That was so painful sitting with him for 35 minutes, why would I subject myself to that again?  Not sure if I want to respond or not, I remember a class I took long ago about courage.  I certainly don’t have very much courage, but since I am starting to turn a new leaf with an active dating life, I should try to grow a backbone too.  Plus, helping him understand that he is a miserably dull person would be like completing community service, right?

I am surprised that you would ask me on a second date.  I felt like you had zero interest in anything having to do with me or our date.

There. . .that seems fair, honest and hopefully helpful.

I don’t know why you thought that, I think you are beautiful, articulate, engaging and fun.  I would still be honored to take you on a second date.

When I don’t respond right away, I get this text.

Could you maybe pinpoint what I did that made you feel that I wasn’t interested?

Um. . .seriously?  Maybe, your lack of desire to leave your car to come meet me, the disgusted look on your face when you saw me, your complete inability to have any conversation with me, shall I go on???

See, this is why I usually choose the wimpy way out and not respond.  I attempted my community service but now I am going to ignore any and all future messages.   I can’t teach him how to date, I am still in the infancy stages myself and I certainly can’t teach him to be polite. . .that was his momma’s job!

Ahh well my friends. . .date number 2 out of the way and totally blog worthy!  I think I may be sad when I do meet a really good guy because then what will I write to you about?

Adios!

Day 1

So, after some thought and consideration, I thought that my newly appointed dating life was far too funny to not share with my friends and family.  Perhaps I could make someone laugh, spare someone from the same mistakes I make. . .who knows! 

Let me begin by saying that I was unceremoniously dumped by my fiancé.  I was crazy about him, loved him so much and was planning to spend the rest of my life with him.  Everyone who met him thought I was so lucky because I got one of the good ones.  The Monday following Super Bowl Sunday, I dropped the kids off at school, came home to see what we would be doing as it was his day off.  He told me that he was not happy and he was moving out.  I asked him if we could talk about it and he replied, there is nothing to say.  He left.  I didn’t hear from him for a couple weeks when I got an email containing completely generic platitudes.  A week later he came over to tell me that his psychic told him that he is not the person who is supposed to raise my kids and he moved his stuff out.  (I swear, he had us all fooled into thinking he was a good guy. . .but a psychic????  Really???)

So, now I have moved into the realm of dating.  Ugh. . .I am not a good single person.  Some people love it and prefer it.  Or pine over their single days now that they are coupled up.  Not me. . .I am a relationship kind of girl.  I struggle with flirting, I ache over rejection, I expect things that I guess are not the norm any longer. . .like a guy being respectful, paying for dinner, good old fashioned wooing. . you get it.  But in a relationship. . .ahhh a relationship. . .I am compassionate, loving, kind, mothering (but not in a weird way and not smothering) .  I look forward to days at the beach as a family, bike rides to the ice cream parlor after dinner, cuddling on the couch once the kids have gone to bed, little texts throughout the day just to let him know I am thinking about him.  Yes, I am very good in a relationship!

The prospect of having to date again has filled me with dread and fear, but I put on my brave face and plugged forward.  But where does one meet someone who is not married, gay or crazy?  I live in a FAMILY neighborhood, so my community pool is out because they are all married.  I have found that Home Depot seems to be teaming with men assumingly not gay? Possibly married and possibly crazy.  During the remodel of my bathroom, I did spend a lot of time at Home Depot and was only asked out once, but that was when I was waiting to see if Travis would come back to me so I declined. . .damn him for screwing up what could have been my future husband!!!

My first attempt did come not too long following moving day.  Picture this:

I am sitting at Starbucks, just to get out of the house and feel like I was part of a world and not so alone in my empty house while the kids are at school.  Sitting beside me is a blond man, perhaps 40, perhaps gay?  He seemed to have a very feminine vibe about him.  He smiled.  I think to myself that he is not really my type, but good practice. . .dust off my flirt to see if I am still capable?  Ok, I smile back.  He says hi and voila. . .conversation with a man.  Albeit, a man I am not interested in dating. . .but still a man!

We go through the basics, what is your name. . Annie, and yours?  Michael.  Have you lived in Naples long?  Blah, blah, blah.

But wait. . .here is where it gets interesting.  What do you do? I ask (still on the small talk) to which he replies he works for a golf cart company and he is the district manager covering all of SWFL.  Hmm. . .lightbulb.  Is Pelican Bay one of your clients? I ask. (For those who do not know yet, Pelican Bay is my former employer.  This is where I met Travis but we couldn't date while we both worked there so I quit to be with him and he dumps me, which is why I am home during the week while the kids are at school.  For the sake of this story, the most important part is that Travis is the Transportation Manager in charge of all the golf carts. . . Ahhh. . .did you just have the lightbulb moment too?)

Yes. . actually they are one of my largest accounts.  Michael replies to me. 

Gulp. . .do I ask or do I just want to let it lie?  Of course I ask.

Do you know Travis?

Yea, I work with him a lot, you know him too?  Michael replies.

Yes, I used to work at Pelican Bay.  My mind is racing. . .do I go any further?  Tell Michael the truth?  Well, let’s examine my options.

1)      Tell him that I used to date Travis and then he may be uncomfortable around Travis in the future.

2)      Don’t tell him but then he might ask Travis about me.  That could be really beneficial to bugging Travis if  Michael was super cute.  But I don’t think Travis will care because he will see that Michael is not my type.

I opt for option number 1.  I tell him that Travis and I used to date, but I do this for a very calculated reason.  I am not interested in Michael but because I am not very good at turning someone down, I hope by telling him this he will not be very interested in me!   But I will still blame Travis for screwing up yet another possible husband!

Blast. . .it does not work.  He asks for my phone number. . now I am faced with one of three more decisions.

1)      Give it to him but not answer when he calls – told you I was a total wimp!

2)      Say thanks, but no thanks – totally not going to happen, see above at the total wimp comment!

3)      Give him the wrong number with a smile.

What do you think I did?  I bet you all guessed number 3. . .right?  Ha, wrong!  I did number 1 with the plan on not talking to him, but I manned up.  When he called, I told him it was very nice meeting him, but I was not ready to begin dating yet. 

Ok, so the first one was out of the way. . .although it was not a formal date I am still counting it and feeling it was worthy enough for my blog. . .

Caio!