The Break-Up, part 2

A friend of mine said that if someone leaves once. .. they will do it again.  I used this statement as a way to open up the conversation with Travis.  Boy oh boy. . .was that a mistake!  Of course I didn’t get the answer I wanted to hear which started a huge fight. 

I guess where I am coming from is I was looking for confirmation that he wasn’t going to leave again.  But instead I got that he is scared and overwhelmed by our relationship.  What?!?  Again?!?    What kind of person does this to someone more than once?  I just don’t understand!  Then. . . he dropped a bombshell on me.
I’m sorry I am not on the same timeline as you are.

Let me take you back a moment and share with you why that is a bombshell.  I have not put a timeline on any part of this relationship.  I haven’t been able to figure out when it would be good to reintroduce him to the kids, I haven’t been about to decide when we would say that we are a couple.  You get the idea.  But he has been making statements like –

I have been thinking about when we should get married and maybe we should do it when we originally planned.  Which was 9/10/11. . .like 3 months!

I think I should start going to church with you because how would it look that the husband of the Youth Minister doesn’t go to the same church.

Ok. . .so I am not crazy in thinking that we are pretty serious, right?  So when he said that I am on a different timeline. . are you freakin’ kidding me?  I am on the timeline that you have created.   But this is what he does. . .he doesn’t share his feelings then whammo. . .leaves!!!!

I was pissed and I yelled at him

This is not ok!  Don’t make me out to look like the wedding crazy girlfriend pushing you down the aisle. 

Then he says -

So, do you want some space?

Yeah. . .that is exactly what is good for this relationship. . space!  Um. . .wasn’t it space that jacked everything up?  But. . .yea. . .let’s try that again!  I hope you can feel the sarcasm oozing out of those statements!  And, that is how I got some space from this relationship again. . . no calls, no texts, no stopping by.  During the last 6 weeks, he would stop over all the time, every night after the kids went to bed he was here.  We would be together during any free moment we had. . .but not tonight. 

The next day was his day off. . ironically another Monday (first time he left was a Monday).  No calls, no plans to spend the day together, nothing!  So I called him.

Oh, I was going to call you today. . .you just beat me to it.

Really?!?  How could he not see what a complete and utter jackass he was being?  How could he not see the pain he was causing me. . . again!?!

But then we talked and really talked, not yelling or fighting, just serious, real, open talking.  I learned a lot more about him and our relationship then I had known ever and it really opened my eyes to where we were and what kind of future we might have.  I learned that he really didn’t see a future with me and that he felt that he was forcing his feelings with me sometimes. 

So, I was faced with a decision. . .stay and see if it works itself out or leave and see if I can find the right person who really does see a future with me.  Seeing that I am getting up there in years. . .I made the decision to stop and put myself on the singles market again.  I could be mad, sad, disappointed and frustrated, but really I am just so thankful that he was honest with me about his feelings.  Better to know now then to find out in 6 months. ..a year. . .5 years.  I would really be old then!!!

Because of the division in our friends throughout of the first breakup. . I feel you should know that he and I are friends.  We started as friends and we are choosing to resume our friendship, we talk on the phone, agreed to be there if the other needs help. . .you know. .. being friends!!  We do not want anyone to feel they have to choose Team Annie or Team Travis. . .but we all know which one you would choose! 

I am not super excited by the idea of dating again but what other choice do I have?  I can’t picture myself as an old spinster with a bunch of cats!  I will put myself out there again into the scary and crazy world of dating. I have the support of my friends and family, my friends have already jumped in with the always beneficial advice –

The minute you stop looking for love. . .it will find you.

You are a great girl. . any guy would be lucky to have you.

You know. . .we have all heard these lines and we have all said them. . . let’s just continue on this crazy adventure see where singlehood takes me!  I have a feeling it is going to be weird, funny and sadly true!!!